When was the last time your kids were in charge? This week, we started summer break, a unique year in which my only summer job is to take care of my kids. I am very much in charge of programming for over two months…eeek! I know this is a precious time in our lives that I should slow down and cherish each moment, with my daughters transitioning from age 4 to 5 and 6 to 7, but as a mom with ADHD I like to move fast.
Every new task they do all by themselves, from crossing the street on their own to talking to strangers (supervised of course). Anytime they do something without my help, (especially if I am on the couch hyper-focusing on a Bridgerton novel) gives me so much joy. My eyes are filled with happy tears and I can’t wait until the day they can massage me feet and cook me dinner. (They do that right?)
Anyways, I have started calling this the summer of “I can,” where independence is booming and my job as a mother is getting a tad bit easier each day.
This week we went to the zoo and I was highly caffeinated and ready for a great day, even though it was one of those COLD summer days. Remind me why I live in Ohio, please.
My oldest daughter spent the car ride there writing a list of the animals we were going to see, insisting on getting the spellings correctly, while I am not capable of spelling and driving and as many of my students can attest to, I am a very bad speller. I tried to explain in multiple different ways that the zoo is really really spread out, and when she said “Ok first we are going to see the Giraffe and then the Koala” I sighed and said “Yes, we are going to TRY,” repeating this after anything and everything she spouted with excitement.
At the zoo, I was often scolded for “walking too fast,” (a trait I have inherited from my high energy super fit global traveller of a dad) and so I tried to slow down. It did not work. Going slowly, being present and mindful is not my strength. So I decided to let them lead.
I told them “How about you be the leaders and I will follow.” They looked at each other confused and marched on towards the Giraffe. When I say marched, I mean sauntered at a snails pace. They moved SO incredibly slow and looked at every little thing, mostly fascinated by the large families and camp groups visiting the zoo rather than the exotic animals.
It was pure torture.
Was everyone else going this slow? Or were my kids just in some sort of zen mode and super good at being “in the moment” ?
The most likely answer is that I prefer to operate at only two paces.
Slow = Reading a book, sitting on the couch, alone.
Fast = moving, thinking, creating, and doing.
Why is it SO hard to let someone else (especially your CHILD) lead, and why is it so hard to slow down?
If you are constantly making everyone else rise to your expectations, life can get frustrating very fast. It has taken me ten years (and counting) to get comfortable with living with three other people after being raised an only child who spent her 20s frolicking around NYC doing whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted.
Today I live in Columbus Ohio trying to drive on spiraling highways without traffic, wait in very short lines and smile and wave at everyone who walks past me. I am still in charge of my life, I’ve just made room for others to lead once in a while.
By Giselle 